When a platonic or a romantic relationship is actually established it is one that feels like a beautiful dream. It’s the joy of discovering something that feels meant to be, or the deep connection to something greater than yourself.
However there are the risks of many negative dynamics forming as well – getting lost in the relationship, codependency, inertia – and we will talk about them at length in a minute.
For the Moon – Neptune conjunction, square, opposition we would give an orb of about 5 degrees, strongest felt 0-3. Remember if someone’s Neptune is aspecting your Moon it is likely everyone born within a couple of years will have that aspect. How the two partners work together does not depend solely on Moon-Neptune hard aspects but other connections between the luminaries and the inner planets. However the effects of outer planets are often perceived as strongly felt in an already formed particular relationship.
The Moon
The Moon in astrology generally represents the soul, how emotions are experienced and expressed, it is descriptive of one’s moods. It is also considered as the memory, and if we think about it we best remember things with which we manage to connect with emotionally. According to some authors the moon also represents a sense of form. In a wider sense it is the female principle, and all females; but most strongly identified with the mother.
The Moon individual expresses positively as a caring, mothering individual. As such they are often a source of nurture, empathy and tend to be deeply supportive. There is a natural ability to create a sense of comfort and safety for the partner. Depending on the natal placement they might tend to put others needs first.
More negatively, the Moon can be experienced as a fussy child that acts according to their moods. Alternatively, they might exaggerate their own involvement in other’s lives and become overbearing, leaving little room for independence, as they are convinced they know best. They might enable poor choices by the partner as they might perceive that as caring for the other. Weaker moons tend to even become codependent.
So who is the Moon to Neptune?
As always it depends on Neptune’s house and natal aspects as well. It is a soft glow of light, it is a person that gives off warmth, calmness but has a powerful presence underneath. They are often gentle, reassuring and uplifting. And an atmosphere of peace and comfort is what is felt around them. They might be perceived as exceptionally kind or as able to understand the other person very well. Generally a supportive nature could be attributed. However, later the nagging will become more annoying, the overbearing or enabling attitude might kick in. The Moon might also come across as quite insecure; these we will speak more of when discussing the dynamics of the relationship.
Neptune
Neptune in astrology represents compassion, receptivity, inspiration, the unknown,mysticism, and more difficult things to deal with like deception, loss, dissolution, fog, poison, denial, doubtful character in people. So Neptune is often a highly sensitive person, who presents themselves as an empath. It might be someone who easily slips into a caregiving role or a creative, an artist. Often, a strong Neptune is present in spiritual people, healers and the naturally intuitive. So this side of a person often gets highlighted in people when their Neptune is emphasised in a relationship.
A positive expression of Neptune is an often highly compassionate person, prone to sacrifices. Someone who listens, understands and takes care. However no one is able to uphold such an attitude without paying the cost. This also requires an amount of spiritual advancement that is difficult to achieve and the ideal needing upheld is often challenging to maintain. So Neptune just as often represents a con artist of a doubtful character, it might be the addict that hides the addiction; it might be the denial of problems one has. It might also be someone who drifts through a haze and just lures others to drift with him and makes them lose their path.
Most of the time of course a mixed bag of experiences is presented and the extremes are more rare.
Who is Neptune to Moon?:
A saviour, someone who steps in during a time of crisis or vulnerability and provides “rescue” or hope. They are someone who inspires them, who seem to understand them better than the rest. Who provides emotional rescue or comfort when life gets tough – which is a good thing if we are talking about a therapist but not that great if a partner needs to slip into that role.
Still it could be the person that is particularly kind in that small impactful way the Moon needs at the moment. With time the saviour inevitably falls from grace, partly due to the unrealistic expectations, partly through overwhelm. Partly due to selfishness and self-preservation instincts kicking in. They might grow distant and betray trust.
How does the Moon experience the encounter?:
The Moon is enchanted by Neptune, as it often triggers a state of pure feeling. Everything feels unique and deeply impactful as the emotional dial is turned up. They may be quite captivated by the other person. Their charm, how they speak, how they pick up on their emotions quickly and how they can communicate without using words. There is an exceptional emotional depth, it feels like one can dive below the surface and delve into meaningful topics and nuances of existence. The atmosphere feels full of magic. Pity that a big part of that is illusion.
Very often as the illusion breaks down, the Moon becomes much more needy, striving to reobtain that sense of security and comfort they may have lost. There is a likely sense that Neptune is someone who is hard to pin down and this will make things difficult, especially if the Moon is in a sign of its detriment.
How does Neptune experience the encounter?
They often find themselves idolised. As such they are likely to experience a complex mix of states, depending highly on the natal placement of the planet, their general personality (remember the natal chart is always strong), what other touching points there are in the synastry, and what is the significance they contribute to this relationship:
However there will be a certain mixture of anxiety, as they are very aware that the fall from grace is always at arm’s length and elation, as having someone look at you with the eyes of a puppy of course strokes the ego quite a bit. As long as they are seen as charming, compassionate and kind they can see themselves that way as well. Neptune could feel they get recognition for their selflessness, spiritual endeavour or creative inspiration.
This leads Neptune to feel drawn to embodying their spiritual, empathetic side. The challenge can come with Neptune becoming wrapped up in being the ideal and feeling the need to hide the parts of themselves which aren’t perfect. Along with the unsustainability of neglecting the darker sides of who we are, this can lead to further fears or anxieties that the Moon could manage to see through these efforts.
Neptune likely feels that the Moon is someone that they can rely on, that will be there for them in times of need. While dependable, they will also likely see the Moon as dependent on others, which may be less attractive to the Neptune person, if they themselves are quite independent. Either way, Neptune will see the other person as a maternal influence in their life, for good or for bad.
Combo and Dynamics
This combination brings the capability to “feel” the partner at a subconscious level. There is an awareness of the moods of the other that goes beyond the norm and the facial expression. It is receptivity at an energetic, ephemeral level. It is a psychic connection. The capacity to feel what the other person feels. The Moon and Neptune can drift into a relaxed restfulness together, where they experience a state of vivid dreaming, even when awake. The experience with that person leaves an imprint at a soul level, particularly for the Moon.
At least at the beginning you experience that most magical feeling accompanied by a sense of awe and wonder for the other. In romantic relationships, this is often accompanied by a sense of surrender to the profound feelings and also a devotion for the subject of affection, again this is more likely for the Moon though.
When you are emotionally triggered by that person it feels like standing on the edge of a cliff with the wind rushing against you. It’s an honest and immediate emotional response. The mind can try to step in to shape, justify, or suppress it but you can’t really make your brain shut it out…No logic can counter when boundlessness hits your emotions. But these feelings come with a lot of downsides that often slowly creep in and change the tone over time.
Feeling what the other feels leaves a sense of exposure and nakedness. There is the risk of being exposed to strange influences, not always in one’s own best interest. And too much drifting can turn into laziness, inertia and a state of apathy. It might be difficult to strike a balance between calm unwinding and stagnation.
For some this might develop to an oversensitivity to that particular relationship. The moods of the partner start to determine how your day feels and how the life of the individual feels. Some might not be able to separate the partner’s mood from their own one. Alternatively there might be a feeling of not being understood or just being taken for a fool, so with time the partners might feel unable to confide in each other.
This might push one or the other to withdraw and choose solitude because they are feeling misunderstood and unsatisfied. It is crucial in that relationship to work on a clear logical communication and to learn to evade the sinking in more difficult emotions that might come up as often as the positive ones, especially in later stages of the relationship.
Lack of clarity on one’s own emotions (for the Moon) and where it is placed in the relationship which might lead to processes of self-deception are also sometimes typical. For some there might be a sense of general instability in the relationship, everything is veiled. The path invisible through the fog. Again effective and honest verbal communication is crucial and so is having reference points in the outside world – be it a best friend, a family member or even a therapist.
The ability to understand the partner and all their troubles in a compassionate manner, feeling inspired through one another is a more positive expression. It leads to an elevated level of emotional perception, empathy, or sensitivity. It suggests an ability to deeply understand or connect with even the subtle nuances in emotions, sensations, or experiences of the other.
And a last bit of mixed positivity – there is the ability to dream together and as they say reach for the stars to grab the moon. However attention should be brought that some of that might result in building sand castles together – that inevitably fall apart. Hard work on the relationship and on the dreams should be prioritised and a way to regularly check in with reality should be looked for.
Now talking about dreaming, this inspiring, full of sensitivity relationship can quickly turn into a wild nightmare without an exit if the processes we described separately for moon and neptune start to intertwine. If the overbearing attitude of the Moon that knows best hits on Neptune wanting to present as his best self this can trigger patterns of lying and deception – patterns of hiding the true self, patterns of toxic push and pull of mood and energy.
Patterns of guilting the other into doing what one wants them to, or feeling guilty for not being enough for the other can pull both into guilt tripping, feelings of inadequacy, manipulation and other toxic behaviours. A reminder that it is really unhealthy to derive your value from how much you are doing for others.
But one of the big negatives and one of the highest risks of such a relationship is codependency – if there are issues with enabling behaviour and addictions (it might be just sugar but also heavier ones). In this case it is particularly important to get external help, as often that is the only way out, as the enabling behaviour can often be a dependency on its own. It is also a big step to recognise it as a pattern.
As both in different manners are prone to giving care and act in sacrificial ways this can lead to an emotional or physical burnout in the relationship and a sense of loss of the personal identity. Which except for the already mentioned codependency can lead to patterns of self-neglect and lack of rest. There is also no guarantee that the effort is really acknowledged by the other partner – so feeling taken for granted and resentment can start to poison the relationship.
Oftentimes there is an absolute lack of boundaries (those are healthy for any relationship and should be consciously established and an effort to maintain them should always be made) But the loss of personal boundaries takes the proper judgment away from when I am actually helping and when overstepping. Also this allows for others to put unreasonable endless demands – which can be overwhelming and bring different negative feelings and repressions of their own desires.
This dynamics are not easy to get out of or break but erosion inevitably makes the people participating confront the crisis (think climate change – it is happening slowly but we are on the brink of finding ourselves in front of a big disaster that happened over long time – that is how Neptune more or less works, so…
The End and the Aftereffects:
Other-worldly feelings are at the end often connected to great disappointment but of course it is possible, even if less likely, for positive expression to prevail. All the more difficult dynamics described at a point bring one or both to exhaustion and/or emotional distress. Often the process of the relationship turning more difficult or negative is so slow that we have the boiling frog effect – people don’t jump out of the water (well relationship). So the first step is acknowledging that the relationship is changing and beginning the journey of self-awareness and recognition of one’s own needs.
Breaking free from this dynamic can be utterly challenging but at the end empowering. Some steps on the way are to recognize and acknowledge the dynamics triggered. Try to understand which events and early life experiences are making them acceptable to you. Reconnect with yourself and go through the process of setting boundaries and making the healthiest choices for yourself. This can then allow you to start the process of letting go.
Long term:
Relationships with high Neptune involvement rarely offer happiness long term – it is always a mixture of the dynamics described but if a lot of awareness is practiced it is possible that on the shared journey they share practices, or philosophies that resonate deeply, offering each other tools and insights that help connect with the more spiritual, elevated side of life. For such relationships it is crucial to maintain the connection to your own self and make an effort to not lose it in the process of connecting with the other.
Develop some emotional independence, if necessary with external support and encourage your partner to carry their own responsibilities. That can help towards creating a healthy and balanced relationship where there is mutual support but also enough independence. Unrealistic expectations developing is one of the risk factors with this placement so being aware of this and working on it can help to mitigate some of the difficulties, but this is often easier said than done. Stay truthful, minimise idealising and don’t confuse merging with magic. Magic stays longer if you allow for some space.
Friends and Family
This is one of the cases where there is not much difference in the dynamics between romantic and non romantic relationships. The only difference is that you potentially spend less time with your friends. Your buddy can be enabling or even actively pushing you towards your addictions and as such an example of all the dynamics discussed. Or you can have highly spiritual conversations where you both feel on another plane for a couple of hours. You can achieve deep emotional experiences and revelations in your conversation.
So there is the potential for benefits enjoyed but there can be a sense of disappointment nonetheless. Negative traits like deception can still come up so be aware of that and it is perhaps not a friendship that one may not wish to deeply depend upon but it may shed light on important aspects of yourself or help you to practice selflessness. The key is always in balance and finding the healthy level of proximity and dependence in any of life’s varied relationships.
When it comes to parent-child relationships Neptune’s the worst and the best tendencies can be observed. There could be the selflessness and unconditional love that offer a real benefit, the parent that sacrifices everything because he/she has such high hopes for the child. However If the parent is Neptune and the child is the Moon there is a risk that the parent can be neglectful of certain emotional needs that are important for the child. Not necessarily through any malice but more a lack of awareness and perception.
There can be a sense that the parent somehow undermines the child’s comfort or its sense of being secure. There are many possible expressions of this but instabilities in the home situation would be particularly fitting for the Moon. It is also one of those dynamics where the child can find themselves in a position with a parent with dependencies and has to reverse the roles to survive.
The other way round, Neptune child, Moon parent – the parent is able to cultivate compassion and spiritual outlooks in the child’s life. Unfortunately this may come as a result of the parent over prioritising their own emotional needs over the needs of the child. There could be a feeling that the child is dissolving the sense of security that the parent formerly had, which is a normal part of the process of parenthood but hard aspects could indicate this is a more difficult experience. It can potentially indicate overbearing parents who interfere in the child’s life, potentially causing them to withdraw.
This can also mean the parent must face the more mischievous or deceptive side of the child. Manipulation is a natural process in any child’s development and this parent likely needs to be a bit more attentive to these patterns to support healthy corrective measures by not giving in to any of these behaviours. With the Moon it is most likely done emotionally. Often the parent might unconsciously enable the child’s laziness or addiction and act out of the feeling of always being responsible for that child and having to take care of them even in a grown up age. This can lead the child to self-destructive behaviour or complete lack of self-awareness.
We hope what we have shared gives you some perspective and helpful information to navigate the vast ocean in the best way possible.