The combination of Venus and Neptune in synastry is connected with the best and worst parts of romantic feelings. You experience the feeling of being truly, madly, deeply lost in love and perceiving everything as brighter, deeper, and more alive. A love that puts you in an enchanted place where time stands still and you forget everything outside of it. But fairy tales have long taught us that there is always something wrong with those places.
With Venus Neptune it is often love that promises more than it actually fulfils. Hopes that end in broken hearts and disappointment is often the result when falling from cloud nine. More neutrally it can represent hidden feelings – voluntary suppressed and concealed or an involuntary struggle to express them.
For the Venus – Neptune conjunction, square, opposition we would give an orb of about 5 degrees, strongest felt 0-3. Remember if someone’s Neptune is aspecting your Venus it is likely everyone born within a couple of years will have that aspect. How the two partners work together does not depend solely on Venus-Neptune hard aspects but other connections between the luminaries and the inner planets. However the effects of outer planets are often perceived as strongly felt in an already formed particular relationship.
Venus
Venus in astrology generally represents love, what we feel attracted to in romance and in life and can also be descriptive of our values. It can also show if one is prone to sentimentality or less so. Beauty, a sense of harmony and and, logically, art of all kinds are also under the domain of Venus. The more enjoyable side of life is one of its representations, both with pleasure as the upside and vice, overindulgence as the downside. All things that deliver pleasure to the senses are under Venus’ as well. Females and all people connected to the arts are often associated with this planet too.
The Venus individual expresses positively as one wanting to surround others with love and beauty. They might appear as particularly attractive (at least in the eyes of the beholder). Strong Venusian people will express as having a good taste in the little joys of life. They will have a harmonious personality, be quite charming and potentially sensual. And many of them will tend to be peace loving and make an effort for creating and maintaining harmony and good manners in all circumstances.
All of this comes with its downsides as well – and such an individual might present as self-centered and only interested in appearances or just prioritising appearance over other more profound and difficult aspects of life. The need to create harmony or fit in often leads to problems like sweeping things under the carpet, avoiding conflicts that are better confronted and people pleasing. There is also the risk of overindulgence and laziness, centering too much on pleasure and too little on what needs to be done.
So who is Venus to Neptune? (as always it depends on Neptune’s house and natal aspects as well) It is a representation of pure untainted love that influences their life in a certain area. They are a materialised expression of ideals of love, beauty and harmony – and as such might be a muse. Venus can present as someone involved in the creative arts or who inspires Neptune. They are often gentle, sensual and preserve the harmony in the relationship.
There can also be a seductive side to Venus, though other chart factors would likely need to contribute to manifest that overtly. Later they might be seen as superficial and self -centered. They might be felt as a bit clingy if they aren’t receiving what they are actually deeply yearning for. Their unfulfilled wishes make them chase after illusive Neptune, who always remains a bit out of reach. But more on that when we speak about the dynamics of the relationship.
Neptune
Neptune in astrology represents compassion, receptivity, inspiration, the unknown, mysticism, and more difficult things to deal with like deception, loss, dissolution, fog, poison, denial, doubtful character in people. So Neptune is often a dreamy and idealistic person, who can also present a creative side. They might talk quite a bit about ideals – be it spiritual or social or of some other kind. Often, a strong Neptune is indeed present in spiritual people, healers and the naturally intuitive. And this side of a person often gets highlighted in people when their Neptune is emphasised in a relationship.
A positive expression of Neptune is of a person that has sympathy and understanding towards others and is open and receptive towards their nature. A sensitive individual, connecting with more mystical parts of existence. And a one with a big imagination and the ability to dream.
However we all have the daily, simple, mundane, “real” life to deal with. So none of us can stay only in the ethereal world. Finding the balance between both is difficult and requires an amount of spiritual advancement that is difficult to achieve. So Neptune’s ideals are not easy to live up to.
And Neptune just as often represents a person with their own set of problems. It could be someone that lacks clarity in life direction, acts in a vague and indecisive way without a plan to what is supposed to be happening and where they are supposed to head to – basically aimlessly drifting through life. There is a potential for addictive behaviour or tendencies as well. And traits like proneness to lying, bending the truth and deception might be emphasised. In the worst of cases we might be talking about a deceptive person or a con artist. Most of the time of course a mixed bag of experiences is presented and the extremes are more rare.
Who is Neptune to Venus?
A dreamweaver of love, someone who seems to fulfil all ideals Venus harbours in that area of life, and depending on the natal chart maybe others as well. They have the capability to inspire them and captivate their attention. It might be someone who makes them feel special, but that is often just an illusion or misunderstanding. It could be a source of confusion and in a situation of kindness mistaken for love can occur. In some cases it might be a seductor, who enjoys the game. But the game ends most of the time with disappointment for Venus. Neptune might prefer to remain a fantasy or he feels unable to fulfill the unrealistic expectations of Venus which might grow the distance between them.
How does Venus experience the encounter?:
Venus is enchanted by Neptune, as it often triggers a state of longing for love and feeling as the romantic ideal is fulfilled. Pity that a big part of that is illusion. They might feel that they have met their ideal romantic partner. However, it is often an infatuation – with its positive side of being in a joyful, dream-like state, experiencing exhilarating rush and giddiness inevitably followed by a crash – where there is the loss of feeling or just disappointment when the illusion starts to dissolve. The dissolving nature of Neptune can also serve as what draws Venus to create the union.
Venus may have the sensual desire amplified, wanting to provide pleasure. There can be a striving to embody an ideal of beauty. A desire to meld together, which can be a strong initial attracting force, is potentially beneficial as long as other synastry aspects support the bond. There can be some difficulty in understanding Neptune, or Venus doesn’t sense a reciprocation of what she gives.
How does Neptune experience the encounter?
They often find themselves adored. As such they are likely to experience a complex mix of states, depending highly on the natal placement of the planet, their general personality (remember the natal chart is always strong), what other touching points there are in the synastry, and what is the significance they contribute to this relationship:
The ego is happy to feel the adoration and when someone else sees their ideals represented in them – they can also see parts of self they didn’t think there. However they might play along and represent parts that are not an actual personality trait, just for the sake of keeping the other happy. Neptune likely experiences great pleasure in the encounter overall, and feels this connection is a gift that helps him to connect with what is enjoyable.
They might feel pushed to embody their spiritual, or creative side. The challenge can come with Neptune becoming wrapped up in being the ideal and feeling the need to hide the parts of themselves which aren’t perfect. Playing a role is of course always a bad start for a relationship, as this makes communication difficult and it is practically impossible to build a trusting wholesome relationship, if we are not true to ourselves.
Dynamics
When a platonic or a romantic relationship is actually established it will feel quite magical. Even the most simple moments – like sharing a laugh, a glance can feel meaningful, blissful. And as most relationships with strong Neptune influence – as a dream fulfilled. But when the relationship needs to confront real life there’s a high risk of misunderstandings, uncertainty, or disillusionment. Wanting to escape real life can become a real problem with time.
Now living in a bubble can have positive sides – it is nice to have a sheltered, nurturing space where intimacy, joy and deep connection can be shared. A place where the pressure and realities of daily life don’t exist. This can alleviate tensions and create endorphins. And this is great as long as balance with reality is managed. However, with Neptune, balance is always difficult to achieve.
There is the risk that in the bubble you lose connection with friends, family or a broader social circle – and those are the people that are crucial to being able to evaluate the relationship and where you are in your life from an outside angle. It can’t be emphasised enough that in Neptune relationships it is very important to stay in contact with other people who can give a realistic perspective, even if you don’t quite like it.
Hiding from challenges can be a further problem – not getting out of bed to go to that job interview, missing important occasions or smaller ones like not making your daily run. Those can have a serious effect on many life areas in time, so it is important to make sure you enjoy the dream but take on your personal challenges as well.
And Neptune which by nature would be prone to aimless drifting will need to confront not only their own personal challenges but also learn to actively engage in them in the relationship. If there is no clear effort to nurture the relationship it can lead to the other feeling unseen or unimportant, which leads to loss of intimacy. It also literally makes commitment or any planning of a future together impossible and ultimately leads to a slow death of the bond.
It is likely that one of the partners (more likely Venus) gets lost in the relationship. And loses connection with their own values and priorities in life and starts compromising on principles, beliefs and standards that define who they are. This can happen as one starts to over identify with the relationship and neglect personal interests: hobbies, friendships or even professional pursuits. This is of course often connected to a lack of boundaries.
So it is crucial to make an effort to set healthy boundaries, which is easier at the beginning of the relationship but it is never too late to start working on those and actively maintaining your identity within the relationship. Also finding ways to stand true to who you are and even having the courage to betray the expectation in certain situations is important. Having good verbal communication can help understand the individual needs and why expectations can’t and shouldn’t always be met.
Now it all might seem so perfect that we forget that work on the relationship is always a necessity. Having nice times and drifting happily together can turn into laziness, inertia and a state of apathy towards each other. Lack of work can at the end result in disconnection, breakdown of active and effective communication, inability to trust each other and a lot of small accumulated resentments and frustration.
Venus as mentioned often is the one yearning for love and placing great expectations on Neptune – this often creates a vicious cycle of too high expectations leading to serious disappointment. The possibility of being loved so close by and at the end Venus doesn’t feel as loved as needed, which might lead to her becoming really clingy and more insistent on her wish. But Neptune most of the time doesn’t quite manage to fulfil that expectation. So letting go of expectations and placing importance on creating a strong real bond is crucial.
To end on a positive note – this is a great combination for artistic inspiration, both can function as each other’s muse and create visual arts, music and what not will make great profit. It can be a source of great inspiration, awakening a depth with mystical undertones, an ethereal part of self that helps in creating something meaningful. They can encourage each other and help each other expand their artistic gifts.
The End and the Aftereffects:
The magical beginning is at the end often connected to great disappointment but of course it is possible, even if less likely, for positive expression to prevail. Often this relationship ends by the works of slow erosion – erosion as we mentioned often caused by stagnation, apathy, unfulfilled expectations and lack of reality checks with the outside world. It is a slow and painful death, where one or both partners might finally speak their grievances, often when it is already too late. Often, one or both have at that point already reached the point of exhaustion from all the uncertainties and instabilities confronted in the dealings with each other.
Being fed up with small disappointments, neglect or being ignored, the slow, gradual build-up resulting in many of these things becoming normalised. An effort on one or both sides can be missing. So the first step is acknowledging that the relationship is changing and beginning the journey of self-awareness and recognition of one’s own needs. Even more important if the boundaries have been already compromised.
Breaking free from some of those dynamics is challenging. If the relationship is a clingy one – there is having to deal with the emotional dependency, guilt or fear of hurting the other. Leaving the bubble might require from the person the strength to be alone and rebuild some of their connections and potentially other life areas as well.
Try to understand which events and early life experiences contribute to you accepting to stay in a malfunctioning relationship. Find the power to make the healthiest choices for yourself. This can then allow you to start the process of detaching and moving forward.
Longterm:
Relationships with high Neptune involvement rarely offer happiness long term – it is always a mixture of the dynamics described but if a lot of awareness is practiced it is possible that on the shared journey they share values, practices, or philosophies that resonate deeply, offering each other tools and insights that help connect with the more spiritual, elevated side of life and self. For such relationships it is crucial to maintain the connection to your own self and make an effort to not lose it in the process of connecting with the other.
Develop things you like doing yourself, have social connections other than your partner and encourage each other to view the relationship realistically. Each of the partners needs to learn to carry their own responsibility in life.
Unrealistic expectations developing is one of the risk factors with this placement so being aware of this and working on it can help to mitigate some of the difficulties, but this is often easier said than done. For it to work both need to take off the rose coloured glasses off and roll up their sleeves and put real effort into creating a healthy and balanced relationship where there is mutual support but also enough independence. Stay truthful, minimize idealising and don’t confuse merging with magic. Magic stays longer if you allow for some space.